Chapter 07 Ghosted
Scottie Sphincter is in a snit. His wife is dead and he's stuck spending the summer with a snarky cat named Skitters. Find out what's cooking in the desert besides roadkill in Chapter 07 of Quirky Cat Gets Ghosted. Meow Kitties!
Listen to Episode #11 Now:
Transcript:
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Announcer: This is PetLife Radio, let's talk pets.
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Announcer: Cat lovers and feline friends, it's time for Adele Park's Quirky Cat Nips.
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Announcer: Today on the Quirky Cat Nips Podcast, we're airing a chapter of Quirky Cat Gets Ghosted, which we will do until the entire audiobook has been broadcasted.
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Announcer: We invite all you kitties to kick back now, relax, and enjoy Quirky Cat Gets Ghosted by Adele Park.
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Announcer: Audio Recording St.
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Announcer: George Presents Quirky Cat Gets Ghosted Written, produced and edited by Adele Park Narrated by a full cast.
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A directive from Gertrude Fletcher, head of the Naval Utah Department of Motor Vehicles.
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Part 7.
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Spoiler alert, there is no judgment day.
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Humans operate under the illusion there will be some grand reckoning at the end of their lives, one where all the scores are settled by God.
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This is indeed an understandable fallacy, especially for those who believe someone got away with crimes in life and want to be assured the violator is punished in death.
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I hate to break the news, but things don't work this way.
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Judgment is something created by man for man.
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In some cases, it's a necessary tool for keeping the masses in line.
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The court system is one example.
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The Department of Motor Vehicles is another.
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Before you get judgmental about the judgments levied by the DMV, consider for a moment what things would be like without established protocols.
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Road rage seems to be in vogue these days, occurring even in small Christian-minded communities like Naval Utah.
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Envision sharing the road with angry motorists who never passed a driving test.
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Take this one step further.
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Imagining said driver doesn't possess car insurance.
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It is these sorts of circumstances where judgment is not only appropriate, it is imperative to maintaining safety and order.
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Dr.
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Harold Spinkle, also known as Scottie Sphincter, lead singer of a very distasteful band called The Rectal Surgeons, worried about being judged.
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With a name like Scottie Sphincter, it's no small wonder.
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Scottie's concerns weren't for his personal well-being, however.
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Instead, they were for his child, the one prematurely extracted from the belly of my current ward, Blue McKenna.
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Scottie needn't have invested so much time worrying what the citizens of Navel would think of his celebrity child.
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The citizenry here has little regard for outside influences, and likely would have shielded the Sphincter family from the paparazzi under any circumstances.
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Regardless, Scottie went to great lengths to win over the town folk in this secluded part of Utah.
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When tragedy struck in the form of Blue dying before she could deliver her child, the people of Navel closed ranks around the Sphincters, shielding them from the pesky reporters, buzzing around the fresh roadkill that Blue had become.
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Next!
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In case you haven't noticed, you've been ghosted.
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Chapter 7.
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Scottie Sphincter.
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Up on the rooftop, click, click, click, Stick that catheter up his dick.
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Holy Mary, Mother of God!
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I've been hounding the hallways of the Naval Base Hospital way too long.
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I've spent so much time there with my son, Rudy, they put me to work.
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Already, I've been tagged in twice at the gastrointestinal clinic.
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One of the two GI specialists in Naval is leaving to go on a mission to Azerbaijan, which means I'm going to have to start acting like a real doctor.
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Over the years, I've logged a lot of hospital hours.
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I'm used to sleeping on lumpy sofas or even upright in a chair.
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I don't care that everything they serve in every hospital cafeteria in the United States tastes like three-day-old yams.
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I'm not even averse to shitting and shaving in public restrooms.
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The time I spent at the Naval Base Hospital was a whole other beast.
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Did I eat yammy chow or drop a deuce in a pedestrian bathroom?
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Who knows?
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I sure the hell didn't sleep.
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Somehow, I was never quite awake either.
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Mom had moved into our house outside of Naval to take care of me while Rudy was fighting for his life in the intensive care unit.
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I don't remember being much of a mama's boy growing up, but I'm a gold-plated Nancy now.
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I never could have made it through all those tragic nights without mom's unconditional molly coddling.
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I had a full-on, suck-my-scrotum-inside-my-drive-stick panic attack when mom announced she was going with dad to Europe for a couple of months this summer.
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I don't want to admit this, but part of my groin-clenching blitzkrieg was related to trading mom as my roommate for my oldest child, Brandon, and his buddy, Taj.
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Technically, Taj Wakefield isn't my kid, but he spends so much time with Brandon, they may as well be brothers.
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As long as Brandon has 24-7 social contact with another teenager, he's somewhat manageable.
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Otherwise, he's about as pleasant as a paper cut on your butt-hole.
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Lexi, my daughter, is teetering on that tragic edge of teeny-bopperdom.
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It makes me sad to think about her growing up, but then everything makes me sad.
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Rudy was released from the Naval Base Hospital three months after that horrible scene involving me cutting my wife open like a ripe cantaloupe so I could scoop out the gooey human innards.
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Ninety days into life, and Rudy still only weighed six and a half pounds.
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I fretted over him constantly.
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My years working as a doctor and a surgeon didn't do a damn bit of good in this situation.
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I impulsively called them about every little abnormality.
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They cut me a lot of slack, partly as a professional courtesy, but mainly because Rudy had become a local celebrity.
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The reaction to my own fame was an afterthought.
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Before Rudy, you couldn't find a single copy of a rectal surgeon's CD in any store or home in Naval.
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Upon discovering music by the rectal surgeons wouldn't screw their virgin ears, our fan base grew to include Navalites.
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Our songs don't have any actual cuss words in them because they promote colon health.
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Sure, ditties like Poop Shoot Salute and the title track to Constipation Nation were a little raunchy, but they were able to pass the smell test because of Rudy, who by the way, kind of stinks.
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Not his fault, I blame the medications.
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Blue's pregnancy with Rudy had generated a lot of buzz in the tabloids mostly because I announced she was preggers to a group of rectal surgeon fans all holding cell phones at an airport in Connecticut.
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Blue had lived in Naval for many years before we got married and thought this reclusive little town would be the perfect place to dodge the attention I had kicked up.
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She had a doctor in Las Vegas, of course, but her primary clinic was in Naval.
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I donated tastefully large sums of money to the Naval Base Hospital and supported every 5k, walkathon, bake sale, raffle, car wash, charity dinner, pledge challenge, and yard sale.
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I bought tickets to concerts I didn't see, coupon books I never used, and assortment of foods ranging from candy bars to, not kidding here, lamb shanks.
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That last one was for the future farmers of Naval.
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My investment paid off.
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When Blue decided to blow out of here like a malignant vow breaker, the good people of Naval closed ranks, effectively shutting out the press that had come to gorge on Blue's bloody aftermath.
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I brought Rudy to Legacy Grove the Friday before Mother's Day.
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How wretchedly ironic.
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Rather than the orderly, peaceful way I had envisioned for Rudy's entry to the world, I hacked him from his mother's belly while she lay dead on a filthy floor mat.
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I still have the most appalling flashbacks.
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Me with the scalpel I packed in my medical bag thinking I would never use it.
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Tom Wakefield trying to call my son Brandon and his son Taj while I became a real-life Edward Scissorhands.
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Rudy not making any sound at all.
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Jesus, it was fucking horrible.
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The days and nights that followed at the Naval Base Hospital were even worse.
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To survive, I clocked out emotionally.
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I didn't have time to articulate just how vacant I had become.
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My dad or Taj's dad brought the kids to Naval on several weekends while Rudy was still fighting for his life.
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I barely recall them even being there.
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My last clear memory of Brandon hanging out in Naval was over New Year's.
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He's 16 now and old enough to decide who he wants to share the holidays with.
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Brandon surprised everyone by agreeing to spend the first four nights of his Christmas vacation in LA with Colette, my ex-wife.
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I no longer have the patience for niceties, so I'll give it to you straight about Colette.
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She is a star-studded slut-slayer, chasing after fame with more enthusiasm than a tiger mom on ADD medication.
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Disappointed the paparazzi wasn't interested in writing hot sloppies about her like they do the rectal surgeons, Colette stages her own shit shows.
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So far, the only viewer she's managed to attract is a British documentary filmmaker who married Colette to get a green card.
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This guy has the kind of mansion Colette grew accustomed to when we were still married, and she had a part-time gig molesting kids at Brandon's school.
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My daughter Lexi is very forgiving about all this, but Brandon is so ashamed, he may as well wear one of those cones around his head they give dogs to stop them from licking their wounds.
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That said, we all went to Colette's wedding at the end of last September.
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I wanted to verify the soul-sucking two-timer was leeching on to another victim.
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Blue was just trying to be nice.
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Even my parents came.
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And of course Taj.
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How is it that my teenage son is allowed to have a permanent plus one?
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Tom Wakefield, Taj's dad, agrees these boys spend way too much time jiving each other into bad behavior.
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Tom arranged for Taj to spend half the Christmas holiday with his family in Boston and the rest with his ex-wife's family in Florida.
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Brandon flew home from Colette's house in LA the day after Christmas.
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We were already in Naval, having spent the holidays with Blue's sister, Moon, and her family.
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It had been just the two of us at Legacy Grove.
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Blue and me, sleeping late, lounging around in pajamas most of the day, eating cookies and popcorn balls while corny Christmas music played softly in the background.
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Rudy slept peacefully in her womb, unaware of the rude awakening he was about to experience.
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The highlights of the holiday involved Blue and me lying in our bunk beds with the adjoining door to Rudy's bedroom open.
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Blue had decorated it in sage green and chocolate.
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A gold and silver mobile hanging over the maple wood crib twinkled in the glow of a nightlight.
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A giant, cream-colored polar bear slouched in the window seat.
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Everything Blue had done with the room emitted cool, serene comfort.
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I was afraid Brandon would wreck the ambiance when he got back from spending Christmas with Colette, especially since Taj wasn't around.
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Rather than dealing with a surly teenager who sleeps till noon and bitches about how there's nothing to do, the Brandon that showed up at Legacy Grove for New Year's was polite, helpful even, which raised my suspicions.
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Without even being asked, Brandon spent one afternoon cleaning up the Naval Orchard.
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He took Moon's twins to a movie and didn't complain when one of them barfed up an acidy stew of Orange Crush and Junior Mints in his Jeep.
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He did ask me to pay to have the carpets cleaned, which made me feel a little relieved.
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All this exemplary behavior had me thinking, Good God, what is this kid hiding?
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Blue had a lot to do with Brandon tipping his toes into the Pool of Decency.
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They'd bonded last summer while I was on tour with the rectal surgeons.
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Brandon was actually the first to know Blue was pregnant.
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He was protective of her and obviously traumatized when Blue perished.
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What Brandon's exact feelings are now, I'm not sure.
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I haven't had time for feelings, mine or anyone else's.
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Hang tight, kitties.
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We'll be back in a scratch.
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What happens when cats and polygamists collide?
00:15:27.145 --> 00:15:30.565
Find out in Quirky Cat Goes Splat by Adele Park.
00:15:31.245 --> 00:15:36.765
Prance through quirky polygamist country with Skitters the Cat as he raises holy hell.
00:15:37.525 --> 00:15:39.165
Quirky Cat Goes Splat.
00:15:39.525 --> 00:15:41.805
Get it today on audible.com.
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Announcer: Splat!
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Announcer: Meow, bitches.
00:15:48.845 --> 00:15:49.825
Announcer: >Let's talk pets.
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Although Blue left me with a premature baby that came preloaded with a bucket list of ailments, she did see to it that Brandon secured a summer internship at the Naval Weekly Banner.
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Brandon got interested in writing last summer when he had to do a lengthy term paper to keep from failing one of his classes.
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He made the unwise decision to write about Juniper Hollow, which subsequently unleashed nine torrents of hell.
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It was enough to hook him though, and by the time school started in the fall, Blue had talked Brandon into writing for his high school newspaper.
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Blue went with Brandon to a meeting at the Naval Weekly Banner the day before New Year's.
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The banner had a new editor, the daughter of the previous editor, who was off in some bug-infested part of the world trying to teach the natives about the Book of Mormon.
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The daughter had spent a few years working for a large newspaper corporation in Pittsburgh and was in the market for fresh ideas.
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One thing you can count on with Brandon is being fresh.
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Of course Taj was part of the summer package, having long secured a lifeguarding job at the pool in Naval.
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The thought of caring for a fragile infant plus two prank-prone teenagers was enough to put a cramp in anyone's rump snorkel.
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First though, an elusive ribbon of happiness rippled through our family.
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It was the first week of June.
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School was out and the kids were goose and giddy.
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We got in seven dazzling days.
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Both my parents, my kids, my brother and his wife, and Taj's dad, Tom, were all gathered in Naval during that most ambrosial time of year when the fruit is just starting to show on the trees.
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The first night, we rigged up a way to project Finding Nemo onto the wall of the courtyard at Gecko Skulch.
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Everyone crowded into Moon's swimming pool on rafts and inner tubes while we watched the movie.
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It was a picture perfect evening, although I made a mental note to permanently delete fish tacos from the menu.
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We cooked and ate outside, but I kept sniffing something akin to weak old trout marinating in asparagus-scented pea.
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The smell was so repulsive, I'm not sure I can ever eat any kind of fish again.
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The week passed quickly.
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We spent our days exploring the morass of trails outside of Naval on both ATVs and mountain bikes.
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My brother's wife claims she's allergic to dust, which meant I had someone to watch Rudy.
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I didn't realize just how much Rudy's health situation had consumed me until I spent a few hours away from him.
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It felt like I'd been holding my breath underwater for a fortnight and finally broke through the surface.
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It was a fragile moment in time, one where everyone was kind and loving, even Brandon.
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It's a good thing Moon's cat, Skitters, can't talk.
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I can tell just by looking at the gelatinous smirk on Skitters' face, he thought we'd all gone to the dogs.
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The thing that baffles me is why Moon is hanging around Naval this summer.
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Her husband, Randall, is hightailing it out of here, maybe even permanently.
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Their twins got hassled at school about Randall being gay, which really sent him over the edge.
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To that end, Randall is hard at work resurrecting the gay mafia, a group of pro-homo extremists.
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Not judging here, just saying these pork crusaders saw the election of Barack Obama as an opening to equal rights.
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If it's through the back door, all the better.
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As a gastrointestinal specialist, I'm down with that.
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Standing on the porch at Legacy Grove, I had a full-blown panic attack watching everyone drive away for the summer.
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My daughter, Lexi, was growing up so fast.
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Meanwhile, my dad seemed to have aged a year in just a few months.
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I still had the boys to keep me company, but all three of them scared the bejesus out of me.
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I never knew if Rudy would take a turn for the worse, even though I'd been assured by a panel of doctors that he was finally in good health.
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I'll be it underweight and very small for his age.
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Brandon was a whole other ball of wax.
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I'd like to tell Brandon how proud I am of him for getting an internship at the Naval Weekly Banner.
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Unfortunately, most of the words that tumble out of my mouth sound like Severus Snape catching Harry Potter in the act of unlawful wandiddling.
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For the first time since Blue died, I was all alone with Rudy.
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Brandon and Taj left at the same time as everyone else, only they were heading for Naval.
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Knowing I might need a day to pull myself together before I started at the GI clinic, I fell apart, completely and totally.
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Had I forgotten to cry these past six months?
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I was doing it now.
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All over Rudy.
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He acted like I'd thrown a full glass of water in his face, howling like a lonesome coyote.
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That should have snapped me out of it.
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It didn't.
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Misery loves company, and if there's one thing I know how to do, it's lead a band.
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I cried all day.
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Rudy eventually pooped himself out, both physically and metaphorically.
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I diagnosed myself as having ulcerative colitis of the brain.
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Instead of my rectum hemorrhaging blood and feces, I was leaking from my cranium.
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I absolutely couldn't shut it off.
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Worried I'd scare Brandon, I relented on my insistence the boys sleep in the house.
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They had been bunking in my studio while everyone was in town, but I really didn't want two ripe smelling teenagers befouling my newly refurbished music hut on a long term basis.
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Then I remembered, I wasn't interested in music anymore.
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Like I'd ever have time to pick up a guitar or write a song anyway.
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I've taken an extended sabbatical from my practice in Las Vegas.
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People think I'm a millionaire just because I'm the lead singer of the rectal surgeons.
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That's only true in the sense that I owe millions.
00:22:42.105 --> 00:22:46.885
The rectals are all about costumes and elaborate colon themed sets.
00:22:47.865 --> 00:22:55.465
We barely broke even from our tour last summer, despite the fact that we sold a buttload of concert tickets and CDs.
00:22:56.425 --> 00:23:03.005
The only way Gaseous Iglesias, Slick Von Slop and I can make bank is through rump wrangling.
00:23:03.805 --> 00:23:09.645
To that end, the GI Clinic in Naval is my only way to keep groceries in the pantry.
00:23:11.605 --> 00:23:16.745
Since it's primarily going to be just us men for the summer, I devised a chore chart.
00:23:17.625 --> 00:23:22.785
No chance of getting Brandon to do any sort of housework, and his cooking is an abomination.
00:23:23.645 --> 00:23:28.725
Brandon does better outside anyway, so the yard and orchard became his responsibility.
00:23:29.705 --> 00:23:33.585
Taj is great in the kitchen and fastidiously clean to boot.
00:23:34.325 --> 00:23:37.545
He signed up to cook Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays.
00:23:38.385 --> 00:23:40.745
I'll make dinner on Thursdays and Sundays.
00:23:41.425 --> 00:23:45.685
The boys usually have dates on Saturday nights, which just left Fridays.
00:23:46.665 --> 00:23:50.105
My idea had been to just have grab-and-go food available.
00:23:51.005 --> 00:24:00.585
Moon had other plans, specifically to eat with us every night at Legacy Grove and get takeout food to serve at Geckos Gulch on Fridays.
00:24:01.625 --> 00:24:06.205
I guess Moon doesn't understand how fucking hard it is for me to look at her.
00:24:08.385 --> 00:24:14.485
Prior to having her own twins, Moon had copious amounts of needless plastic surgery.
00:24:15.405 --> 00:24:23.125
Nonetheless, there's no blepharoplasty, nose job or facelift that can erase the blueness in Moon.
00:24:24.265 --> 00:24:27.785
Letting her hair get long only underscored the resemblance.
00:24:28.865 --> 00:24:31.085
Now she even smells like my wife.
00:24:32.185 --> 00:24:39.385
Blue always wore Almond Sunrise, a lotion crafted in Moon's now shuttered skincare company.
00:24:40.325 --> 00:24:44.505
Maybe that was all Moon had left and didn't want to just chuck it.
00:24:45.605 --> 00:24:47.925
On this issue, I was kind of glad.
00:24:49.065 --> 00:24:58.525
I know little kids poop their pants all day, but Rudy seems to be especially pungent, even when he hasn't left a deposit in the diaper bank.
00:24:59.825 --> 00:25:03.385
Almond Sunrise seems to throw a light cover over the stink.
00:25:05.505 --> 00:25:10.705
I was dismayed to discover Skitters has decided to take up residence at Legacy Grove.
00:25:11.625 --> 00:25:19.485
He belongs to Moon's Twins, but since they're going to be in California for the summer, I guess he decided Brandon was his next best bet.
00:25:20.245 --> 00:25:25.505
I suppose they bonded during some of those trips to Granite Ridge to visit Boyd Fletcher.
00:25:26.525 --> 00:25:30.285
Frankly, I'm not sure it's a good idea for Brandon to go up there.
00:25:30.985 --> 00:25:39.785
The old cooter pedals in a lot of delusional, Republican-esque conspiracy theories, primarily dealing with the tragic history of Juniper Hollow.
00:25:41.045 --> 00:25:47.185
Incredibly, Moon finds time to facilitate a relationship between Skitters and Boyd's cat.
00:25:48.085 --> 00:25:51.645
I've heard of playdates for dogs, but this is ridiculous.
00:25:52.665 --> 00:26:01.125
Brandon tags along on a number of these visits and promised the twins he'd make sure Skitters got to see his kitty friend while they're away.
00:26:02.085 --> 00:26:08.885
Brandon has a license and a nice Jeep that is totally above his pay grade, so I can't really object to this.
00:26:10.005 --> 00:26:13.685
I just don't like Boyd filling Brandon's head with nonsense.
00:26:14.385 --> 00:26:16.505
He generates enough of that on his own.
00:26:17.585 --> 00:26:23.945
Hopefully, Brandon's internship at the Naval Weekly Banner will keep him busy covering actual news.
00:26:25.685 --> 00:26:28.525
My main job is to pull myself together.
00:26:29.305 --> 00:26:31.765
So far, I'm failing spectacularly.
00:26:32.605 --> 00:26:37.305
The second I drop off Rudy with the sitters, I bawl all the way to the clinic.
00:26:38.145 --> 00:26:42.925
It's only a couple of blocks away, but I can pack in an impressive amount of blubbering.
00:26:43.885 --> 00:26:48.965
On Tuesday and Thursday mornings, I take Rudy to the city pool for swimming lessons.
00:26:49.825 --> 00:26:56.545
Taj had been working with us in the pool at Gecko Skulch all spring, but I like the formality of being in a class.
00:26:57.345 --> 00:27:01.885
I'm the only man, and of course everyone knows Rudy's tragic backstory.
00:27:02.745 --> 00:27:04.905
Taj is careful to call me Dr.
00:27:04.925 --> 00:27:07.545
Spinkle during the lessons, which I really appreciate.
00:27:09.405 --> 00:27:15.745
My schedule at the clinic is packed every day, but I insist on leaving promptly at 5 p.m.
00:27:16.525 --> 00:27:21.285
To accomplish this, I don't allow them to schedule any patients after 3 p.m.
00:27:22.305 --> 00:27:27.965
I use the last two hours of every day, slogging through paperwork and returning phone calls.
00:27:29.005 --> 00:27:33.085
Mondays and Wednesdays are my surgery days, which are always full.
00:27:33.945 --> 00:27:39.645
Despite all this, I'm strapping Rudy in his car seat by 5.06 every evening.
00:27:40.585 --> 00:27:43.225
Dinner time at Legacy Grove is 6.30.
00:27:44.005 --> 00:27:45.765
Moon arrives long before that.
00:27:46.305 --> 00:27:52.465
Oftentimes, I find her sitting in the white rattan furniture on the porch, even though she has a key to the house.
00:27:53.545 --> 00:27:57.465
I've noticed neither one of my kids knock when they go to gecko's gulch.
00:27:58.345 --> 00:28:03.985
Moon's place is always unlocked, as is the custom in most homes in this part of the world.
00:28:05.685 --> 00:28:08.025
At first, I thought Moon was just lonely.
00:28:08.705 --> 00:28:15.165
After all, her twin sister is dead, and her kids and husband had just flown the coop for California.
00:28:16.065 --> 00:28:24.325
Then I wondered if she was just fetching skitters, although that didn't make sense, because aside from the twins, practically no one likes skitters.
00:28:25.225 --> 00:28:33.645
When the twins left, skitters took to shadowing Brandon, so much so that he is now being referred to as Brandon's therapy cat.
00:28:34.345 --> 00:28:35.365
Good grief!
00:28:35.925 --> 00:28:38.545
That kid will say anything to get his way.
00:28:39.385 --> 00:28:49.025
In this case, it was permission to let skitters move into Legacy Grove and follow Brandon everywhere he goes, including the Naval Weekly Banner.
00:28:50.065 --> 00:28:56.425
I would have blown the whistle on this bullshit, except I wanted to put a few positive points on the board with my son.
00:28:57.385 --> 00:29:02.665
Brandon has stepped up in a number of ways, failing in while I was at the hospital with Rudy.
00:29:03.625 --> 00:29:08.405
That said, skitters is an insufferably snarky a-hole.
00:29:09.345 --> 00:29:16.245
He's got a permanent smirk on his face and isn't above cutting a fart in the car just to be obnoxious.
00:29:17.025 --> 00:29:19.605
Did I mention this cat likes to ride in the car?
00:29:19.985 --> 00:29:22.085
I mean, like all the time.
00:29:23.145 --> 00:29:30.305
If Brandon wants his jeep to look like a dirty lint roller, that's his business, as long as he pays for the gas.
00:29:32.305 --> 00:29:39.245
Speaking of gas, Rudy emits a form, so noxious it could gag a pig farmer.
00:29:40.165 --> 00:29:43.605
My little miracle baby is a real stinker.
00:29:44.645 --> 00:29:50.985
I've run a few tests, worried Rudy might have some intestinal problems that got overlooked amid his other ailments.
00:29:52.065 --> 00:29:56.205
Even more puzzling is the fact that Rudy doesn't stink all the time.
00:29:57.025 --> 00:30:00.345
I noticed when Moon is around, he doesn't smell at all.
00:30:01.125 --> 00:30:04.705
Perhaps that's because she's wearing Blue's signature lotion.
00:30:05.605 --> 00:30:07.645
The stench is strongest at night.
00:30:08.665 --> 00:30:15.205
I brought a box of KN95 surgical masks home from work just to handle the midnight changes.
00:30:16.265 --> 00:30:26.625
Frayed nerves and lack of sleep have me slightly hallucinating, imagining everything in Rudy's room is bathed in an ephemeral green glow.
00:30:27.785 --> 00:30:33.585
I swap diapers using only the nightlight, unwilling to fully awaken either Rudy or me.
00:30:34.685 --> 00:30:39.165
Sometimes, after I stumble back to bed, I cry myself to sleep.
00:30:40.025 --> 00:30:45.725
Other times, the smell cocoons me, spinning me into weird dreams about blue.
00:30:47.365 --> 00:30:48.785
Pack your bags, kitties.
00:30:49.125 --> 00:30:52.105
It's time to take a trip to quirky cannabis country.
00:30:52.645 --> 00:30:59.785
Find out what happens when a writer turns to reality TV as a way to cure an apocalyptic case of writer's block.
00:31:00.405 --> 00:31:04.665
Reefer Madness ensues in Quirky Cannabis Country by Adele Park.
00:31:05.345 --> 00:31:10.625
Get Quirky Cannabis Country today on audible.com, Overdrive and Bookbeat.
00:31:10.965 --> 00:31:17.025
Announcer: Let's talk pets, every week on demand, only on petliferadio.com.